Romba Nallavan – A Typical Hindu

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Secularism…secularism….secularism….that’s what contemporary Indian politics is all about. Talk secularism, eat secularism, sleep secularism or fart secularism… even if it stinks or rots you have to hold it dear to your chest. 

The world today is ripe with examples of ‘Christian’ and ‘Muslim’ countries where government swears and acts in the name of God. Religious taxes are collected, religious activities sponsored and stamps and seals of the government representing the religion.

Hindus formed an overwhelming 80 percent of the nation’s population at the time of independence and it ought to be have been declared a Hindu nation. This never happened as Hindus had put full faith in the system and their political leaders.  This was the costliest mistake.  Little did they know that they are mere rats marching to the tune of the pied pipers of a foreign religion. Singing the secular tune, these pied-pipers have been leading these clueless Hindus to their own grave.

Mahatma Gandhi gave the wonderful slogan ‘do or die’ while Sonia Gandhi fine-tuned it as ‘convert or perish’. While Mahatma’s message was for the whole of the nation, Sonia Gandhi’s message is loud and clear only to the Hindus.

Yes of course, nobody deprives you the right to live. Survival is easy provided you do not hesitate to sport a skull cap or get a lousy cross dangling from your neck. What more, you can continue to be ‘de-jure’ Hindus and still live provided you keep proving your ‘secular credentials’.
Fortunately, proving your secular credentials is quite easy and fun too. Here are some illustrations which can help turn you to a ‘master secular’ in mere thirty days.

• Some idiot draws obscene pictures of your God….you say ‘wow’…..
• Someone knocks your door asking a can of kerosene to burn the temple… you contribute two
• Your father says Ram Ram Jai Jai Ram….. you say Rome Rome Jai Jai Rome
• When terrorists are shot dead, rush to the streets shouting ‘false encounter’
• When LeT claims responsibility deny that…say ‘Hindu Terrorists’ are responsible
• When killer Italian marines flee, see them off at the airport
• When Chinese army intrudes in Arunachal Pradesh, invite them to Kerala.

Hindus are tolerant, so tolerant that when they ask us to bend, we crawl. Tamil comedian Vadivel says in a movie “Evlo adichaalum summa irukaan. Ivan romba nallavan”….. that’s exactly what we are…..romba Nallavan. 

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Ghar… ‘No’ Ghar..

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The day was ‘Eid ul Fitr’…

 

Say Eid ul Fitr and the first thing that that would strike our mind is Mutton Biriyani.  Entire Ahmedabad, especially the old city area with its pre-dominant Muslim population would be would be on a celebration mood….the aroma of a hot spicy mutton biriyani.

 

Strange it was this time… no mutton….no biriyani….. and none seemed to care a bit.

 

Religious celebrations or processions were conspicuously absent and in its place there were enormously huge crowds thronging different nooks and corners of the city.  So unruly, so  impatient.  Strangely so, ONLY LADIES.

 

The city traffic went chaos…. public life was wholly disturbed.  However the energy of the crowd was too high to be contained.

 

What prompted these women to trouble themselves in the crowd from dawn to dusk without food or water?  Surely it should be something very important.

 

Extremely anxious to know more, I got down from the bus.  Eyes fell on an old lady making her way back from the crowd.   Her face and body language resembled that of an army commander returning victorious from the battlefield. Though her age caught up with the body, her head was high and her face radiated a clear sign of accomplishment.  I stopped her to know exactly what was going.

 

Me: What exactly is happening here….why this crowd of ladies?

She: Don’t you know?  Madam is providing free houses for everyone.  GHAR NU GHAR scheme…

Me: Madam?  Who?  District Collector?

She: NO….NO….NO.  Madam Soniaji… 

Me: Is she giving away the houses for free?

She: Yes… absolutely free….. We only have to submit our application………..…Haaan….one more thing, after submitting our application, we should vote for congress and throw Modi out.  That’s easy….we have completed our first step….and waiting for elections.

Me: But honestly are you not happy with Modi’s governance?

She: Why not?  We are a lot much better after Modi became the Chief Minister.  Great roads, free medical facility, clean drinking water and visible development in every sphere of life.  Moreover, my grand-daughter too now goes to school.  

Me: Why then you want to replace Modi with Congress?

She: If Modi continues to be in power… we are sure to get our houses and no doubt about that.  Gujarat Housing Board and Modi’s Garib Kalyan Melas are doing a great job.  But imagine our plight if Modi does not come back to power?  That’s why we have submitted our applications.  It is ‘heads I win…tails I win’.

 

What an idea Madamji.

 

Next day, I learnt from news papers that over 55 lakh applications were received at various Congress offices in a single day…. a record of sorts.

 

Congress buoyed by this success has now announced free distribution of land….. applications to be submitted to the nearest congress office.  No doubt, they expect something nearing a crore applications.

 

But where would the congress go for providing this large measure of land to all the applicants?  Possibly Sonia would take Moon on lease….. Fortunately ‘coal-gate’ and 2G have provided her sufficient money to buy Moon and Venus too.

 

There ‘SHE’ goes again…

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You Know Whom’ …… ‘SHE who cannot be named’…… the ‘Dark Lady’                (No, No..not Lady Voldemort).

SHE means ‘SHE’……..that’s pretty obvious in India.

My fingers refuse to type her name…….fear or aversion, not for sure.

Of late, SHE has been complaining of a certain disease for which treatment is available only in the United States.  Doctors in India are somehow not competent enough to treat such an extreme case where a ‘virus’ seeks treatment for self.

None knows the symptoms, but the time of occurrence of the symptom is very obvious.  Whenever a major scandal rocks the nation, the symptoms show.

Many things conspicuous regarding the disease and the treatment….. SHE should be transported by a ‘stealth’ aircraft via Switzerland and Italy to USA.  Further, media should not report her illness not her treatment process, because that could deteriorate her illness.

She would return for sure…. a pale looking face….. attributed to the ‘undisclosed ailment’.  Media solicits sympathy and empathy for this leader who sacrificed her prime ministerial post for someone deaf and dumb.

Media however does never talk about the big ailment that the nation has been infected….thanks to HER.

Jai Ho…

Kasab ‘feasts’…Poor ‘starves’

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Hundreds of children starve to death in the slums of this mega city everyday…none to listen to their feeble cries.  Not far away, at Arthur Jail, our ‘State Guest’ licks his fingers after a ‘hearty’ meal. 

Indo Tibetan Border Police handed over a 11 crore bill to Maharashtra Government for reimbursement of expenses incurred for guarding kasab (for the period March’10 to September’10).  However, Maharashtra government is in no mood to foot the bill in a hurry because the state feels that kasab is not just their guest, but a ‘National Guest of Honour’.  Obviously this is true and the onus of providing him quality food and security vests with the whole nation and not restricted to Maharashtra alone.

Anyway, our government has been doing a ‘commendable’ job in taking care of kasab from the day one.  Even if the whole of Mumbai dies of poverty, our government made it a point to see that kasab gets his ‘meal’ everyday. 

Over 200 personnel of the Indo Tibetal Border Police on duty to guard this fat pig at Arthur jail. 

What more does a terrorist need?  The total material loss that the state incurred during the terrorist attack would be far less than what it takes to feed and keep this porkistani alive. 

Why don’t the government stop being ‘foolish’???

India’s Most Wanted!

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Wazhul Kamar Khan, one of India’s ‘most wanted’ fugitives whom security agencies are ‘desperately’ looking for. His name figures 41st in the list of 50 ‘Most Wanted Fugitives’ list that India has forwarded to Pakistan.

Strange, but in this case, even Pakistan was found scratching its head. Hundreds of thousands of Wazhul Kamar Khans as per record but none as per India’s specification. They maintain a ready dossier of every Al-Queda and LeT activist for the reason that they pay these ‘jihadi soldiers’ from their coffers.

Last week, Times of India reporters came up with an ‘unbelievable’ story that Wazhul Khan is living happily in Thane, Maharashtra and not in Pakistan. He was arrested for his involvement in 2003 Mulund train blast case and is now out on bail. He is also involved in Vile Parle and Ghatkopar blast cases too. What a goof up by the Home Ministry.

Home Minister P Chidambaram when ‘cornered’ by the media admitted that it was a ‘genuine’ mistake. However, he chose to rub it off lightly terming the goof up as a silly ‘human error’.

Such defence is highly unexpected from the Union Home Minister. He ought to be reasonable enough to appreciate the fact such ‘human errors’ are quite ‘fatal’. This is a clear pointer to our state of ‘unpreparedness’. Such lack of alertness could cost the nation dear.

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Still people chose to forgive the minister for once. Understandable, one mistake in a list of 50 could be termed an ‘inadvertant’ human error.

BUT… the very next day…fresh report…….more horrifying.

TWO MORE fugitives in the ‘most wanted’ list are now in Indian soil and not in Pakistan.

SHAME…SHAME…SHAME.

This is the limit… we cannot afford to bear such ‘human errors’ anymore.

Chidambaram, please step out making way for someone who is capable of handling the sensitive portfolio.

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If anyone still has an idea to forgive Chidambaram, here is one more ‘jewel’ in his crown: CBI team that travelled to Copenhagen to seek extradition of the main accused Kim Davy in Purulia arms drop case were taken for a rude shock when his counsel pointed out that what the CBI carried was an ‘expired & ‘useless’ arrest warrant.

What more to say….. Home Minister…..Go Home.

25 Paise Coins to ‘Retire’

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When ferritic stainless steel coins of 25 paise denomination were first introduced in 1988 it was welcomed with so much cheer and excitement.  Coins so cute…so shiny…so compact.  It was a real good feel those days to carry a handfull of the new silvery coins in our pockets.  The jingling of the coins was music to every ear.  To put it short, the coins were perfect.  (For those looking for technical facts, this Ferritic Stainless Steel alloy is composed of Iron 83% + Chromium 17%, 19mm diameter & weighs 2.83 grams). 

Most sadly, these ‘little lovely ones’ have grown to their retirement age in a span of about 23 years.  To be precise, they would retire from service on 3oth June 2011.  The coins can then no longer be ‘used’ for any valid transactions.  Banks will no longer accept these coins and they would cease to be legal tender. 

Reserve Bank of India has given the public reasonable time upto June 29 to exchange these coins. Counters at all public & private sector banks would facilitate exchange of the coins.  Spiralling metal prices has forced the RBI to take this measure which will bring back millions of coins to the custody of India’s central bank. Coins so collected would find its way to the furnace where they would be melted.  However, it has not been decided how to use the metal so extracted.

From 30th June 2011, the lowest denomination acceptable would be 50 paise.  Accountants would have a tough time making appropriate amendments in their account books as every figure has to be rounded off to 50 paise or one rupee.

Most of us would remember having used or atleast seen the 1 paise, 2 paise, 3 paise, 5 paise & 10 paise coins.  They served us in various size & shapes.  Unfortunately, the cute 25 paise coins too would fall into this pensioner’s league in a very short time. 

Did you know that India was one of the earliest nations to have used metal currency, as early as 6th century B.C.  Tracing the history of ‘coins’ in India would be a very facinating experience.  Reserve Bank website http://www.rbi.org.in/scripts/mc_coinage.aspx would provide us a treasure of information regarding coins & currency notes. 

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Clarification sought:  If I take 101 units of the retiring 25 paise coins to any ‘RBI ‘Exchange Counter’, how much would I get in exchange?  Rs.25/- or Rs.25.50 ??  Round off to whose advantage???

However these coins are too pretty to part with and it would be more sensible to ratain them than exchange it for a couple of 10 rupee notes.

Religious Polarization & Kerala Politics

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Bitter infighting ……Anti-incumbency factor……Age factor…  

Too many hurdles were in the way for Achuthanandan when elections were announced for the state of Kerala. 

Medias without an exception talked about an ‘anti-left’…’pro-congress’ wave in the state.  The results of the Civic Body elections conducted sometime back only added strength to this belief.

Everybody believed that it would be a mere cake-walk for Oommen Chandy to the Chief Minister’s chair.

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However, 13th of May 2011 proved everything wrong.  It was not a cake-walk for Chandy……..it was indeed a fire-walk….. and he would have to keep walking in this fire for the entire tenure (if ever he manages to pull on).

But how the equations changed all on a sudden?  Where did the ‘pro-UDF’ wave dissapear??

Rahul Gandhi too visited the state (for record, Rahul Gandhi always burned his fingers when he visited this tiny South Indian state.  Once had an FIR filed against him for keeping a Colombian Beauty in his room.  The half-blood prince of Italy who drew hundreds of spectators in other parts of the country could never manage more than a few dozen people during his visits to this state).

As always and as ‘will be’ always, the Church solidly stood behind their beloved Chandy.  The hot Malabar belt as always stood by an ‘Ice’ cool Kunhalikutty.   The Hindu votes are always split even…….half for the Congress and half for the Communists (a few ‘hard-core’ ones voting for the BJP too).  This was the perfect equation the UDF was looking for.  Added to this an anti-incumbency under-current that was sweeping the state.

As the elections neared, ‘Minority Appeasement’ became more evident.  Anything and everything was done by UDF to impress the Muslim & Christian communities.  Hindu bashing became the routine and this was getting more noticeable by the day.  There was a visible ‘polarisation’ of the minority community towards UDF.

The Hindus of the state who hitherto kept their eyes tightly shut to any such stories of minority appeasement slowly started feeling the pinch.  They could feel the sand beneath their feet being washed away. 

Though in the eleventh hour, a section of the Hindus in the state became cautious.  They gathered around Achuthanandan who was doing an honest role as Chief Minister.  This made all the difference. 

Election results clearly revealed a new political trend….. an ‘intimidated majority’ pooling up to save themselves from the powerful minority forces that have taken the state for ransom.

SENSIBLE.

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